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Charidee03

on 10/26/2012

THE VANISHING

I AM DOING A MOVIE ABOUT 2 BROTHERS WHO FIND A OLD ABANDONED HOUSE AND WHILE LOOKING AROUND ONE OF THE BROTHERS GOES MISSING. THE BROTHER THAT IS LEFT PROCEEDS TO TELL HIS MOM WHAT HAPPENED BUT WHEN THEY GO CHECK IT OUT THE HOUSE IS BEING BULLDOZED SO THAT A NEW FAMILY CAN MOVE IN. SO THE BOY IS NEVER FOUND. YEARS LATER THE BOY SETS OUT TO FIND OUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO HIS BROTHER, AND HE STARTS BY ASKING THE NEW FAMILY WHERE THEY CAME FROM.

Sukotto

on 11/23/2012

How can the family move into a bulldozed house? That doesn't make sense.

GetReal

on 11/26/2012

common sense they are bulldozing the old house to build a new one, u dont use ur brain very much Sukotto, we can tell by the lame comments u have made!!!!!

myikap

on 11/26/2012

This sound like one of those suspicious kind of plays I love it already! And you seem cool yourself.

Sukotto

on 11/30/2012

Hey make the family that moves in a homeless family that lives under the rubble of the bulldozed house.

jellybean

on 11/30/2012

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant, Sukotto! Someone, presumably the new family awaiting the lot, would pay to have a home bulldozed to the ground, just so they could live amongst the rubble. Why, Shakespear himself, couldn't have been more clever. Wherever do you manage to come up with ALL of these HELPFULL ideas you are so earnestly and SINCERELY tossing at this forum's aspiring writers? You're such a gift, my boy, a true gem in the raw. So giving of your time and talent, and not one bit of it out of any self-important motives. Surely we must give you the applaud you so crave.

Sukotto

on 11/30/2012

Maybe the home was bulldozed by the previous owner to keep kids from crawling around inside. You know as a safety thing. The homeless family decided that the rubble would be a good place to set up housekeeping.

I'm starting to detect a hint of sarcasm from you Jellybean. I know you called me brilliant but I'm starting to think you don't mean it. I noticed you didn't make any helpful comments at all to help Charidee03 work out the story's problems. Maybe you should focus on the issue and not on your dislike for others.

jellybean

on 11/30/2012

CharideeO3, for starters, I like the story's title 'The Vanishing'. It gets right to the heart of letting viewers know what the story is about. And given what is sometimes understood, or implied, even if not directly stated, I believe you DO have the potential for an excellent tale here. Don't be discouraged from your idea! It would probably help other members who want to give you useful feedback, to know whether you intend for this story to be some sort of kidnapping, supernatural, or something altogether different? Was the missing brother abducted, or did he leave of his own accord for some reason? This story could take on a number of possibilities. Were the brothers biologically related? Or could the missing brother have been adopted without his searching sibling being aware of it? Could the missing brother have been left in the care of his known parents by someone else - or some thing else? Could he have special powers of some sort? Or, could he somehow be key to the survival of some civilization unknown to man? Such ideas could be limitless. An intentional hospital mix-up at his birth, perhaps to protect him?

Regarding the bulldozed house, there would be a timing issue. Because, as a mother, if one of my children came home and told me that his sibling had gone missing while they were exploring an abandoned house, the first thing I'm going to do is go check that house - immediately - and if I don't find that child immediately, it's 911 time. Too, I wonder the ages of the brothers because, while it can and has happened, I, as a parent, would never allow my children to roam off unsupervised - yet, kids do sneak, it's in their nature. But in my imagination, it would almost have to be that the demolition crew was already at the site of the house, ready to bring it down, but perhaps on lunch break, so not aware that the brothers had ventured into the home.

Research of aspects of a story can be important, even if it is never written into a script. If you don't already know, you may want to learn exactly how the law would respond to the reporting of a missing child, in order to make the story as life-like as possible. How will this missing brother elude the search of law officers, and usually a caring community? (Several years ago a young woman went missing, somewhat local to where I was living. Though I didn't know her, or her family, I took time to go help search, simply because I would want someone to do the same for me if I were the lost person, or family of such a person.) It is important that an author knows, or at some point in the story decides what actually did happen to the missing person, if that much is central to the story.

Have you decided who your main character (protagonist) is? Because you wrote that the brother who initially reported (to his mother) his missing brother, years later, sets out to learn what became of him, it appears that he is your protagonist, and that your story is of his journey to find his missing brother. I find it interesting that you wrote that, the starting point of his search is with the "new" family that had re-built where the original home was demolished. Do you know yet, why he has reason to believe that the family could supply him with useful information about his brother's disappearance? And, what about this "new" family? When he confronts them is there anything about their answers or behavior that disturbs him? Or do they behave perfectly normal, innocent?

CharideeO3, I hope that you maintain your belief in this story's potential to become something great, even a box office hit, and irregardless of any negative feedback. You need only to believe in yourself, and let your creative imagination continue to flow, to "flesh out" its details. I hope that I have given you some ideas, and asked you the right sorts of questions to help you along that path. I would very much enjoy reading your story as it progresses, and will gladly offer any help I can.

Don't be fooled. Creative writing ability is NOT something that only a few can master. Every successful writer out there had a point of beginning, and had to LEARN the process of putting their imagination on page in a way that others could also invision it. There is no trick to it. But like anything else that can be learned, the student has to apply his / her self to the goal of learning it. There will be mistakes along the way, and likely lots of them. But those mistakes can be the very things that help a determined writer master the craft. Personally, I like some of the free, online creative writing courses that allow aspiring writers to work in privacy, and at their own pace. They are easy to Google, simply by typing in the words: free online creative writing courses. Best wishes with this work!!!

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