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jellybean

on 11/20/2012

Collaboration: Seeking ideas for next scene of my comedy

Most recent reply from jellybean, on 12/01/2012.

Does anyone on this site write comedy? I'm looking to write my characters, a gay couple, into funny situations. One of them is known to the world as it's top female supermodel, and is secretly a gay male. He's trying to avoid being discovered as an impostor, yet still lead a private life with (her) his husband. The husband, a renowned architect, has an uncle who is a psychologist. The architect wants his supermodel husband - who also plays mute to the world, so signs to communicate - to go and see his uncle on a professional basis, because the model has been having a recurring nightmare, (which is written out in my outline). The uncle is well aware that his nephew, the architect, is gay. So he likely also knows that the model is not female, but secretly male. Only, the model doesn't know that - thinks the uncle, like the rest of the world, believes he is a she - and he is sooo afraid of being discovered as an impostor. Since the architect has not told the model that his uncle already knows of his gay orientation, he agrees to go along with the model in letting the model play the signing mute for the uncle's sake. The couple is going to the uncle's for a week, to try to get at the bottom of the model's nightmares. The uncle is an older man with a wife. I'm looking for humorous situations that can occur during the visit - based on the model not knowing that the uncle (probably) already knows she is a he. Thanks for any ideas.

Sukotto

on 11/23/2012

Okay so try this. The model is out jogging and gets into an altercation with a pitbull who bites his dick off. This is kind of funny in an ironic kind of way since he is pretending to be a girl anyway. So throughout the story he keeps seeing his dick in different locations and each time he goes to retrieve it, a different animal carries it off before he can get to it. One time its the pitbull, the next time he sees it, a squirrel takes it. Next time a Bald Eagle.

GetReal

on 11/26/2012

Sukotto just because you might enjoy something like that happening to you does not mean that you can post your filth on peoples pages. Stop trying to change peoples storys and makeing very unneccery comments that lets every one know exactly how demented your head is. You may need to see a sphychatrist to help with your problem.

jellybean

on 11/26/2012

GetReal, thank you. You're absolutely right, that I don't need juvenile suggestions from small minds pretending helpfulness in order to get their dim witted jollies. Junior must have been bored, and naturally his thoughts migrated in the direction of what he so obviously centers his own world around, and how he probably would hunt high and low if he were to loose it, his only playmate. Yet I can well imagine that even "it" would rapidly tire of his inept and unstimulating company. Because even the smallest and simplest of this world's organs ought to be deserving of cognitively-matched companionship, rather than inferior.

Livibrynn

on 11/27/2012

One of the best tools for a comedy writer is irony. Actually, I'd say it is the best. I'd expect something like this to have some mistaken identity situations and dramatic irony. Dramatic irony, as you may know, is where the audience knows something that one or more of the characters on screen doesn't. Let's flesh out the Uncle's wife. Does she have her suspicions or is she completely oblivious? Is she a sympathetic character, or is she easy to hate? If she doesn't know about the "woman's" little secret, does she try to have "girl time?" And what is the Uncle's motivation in all of this? Is he trying to expose the drag queen or protect him/her? I think you also need to bring in more characters, and be sure that their personalities clash.

Livibrynn

on 11/27/2012

ALSO, I know that this is kind of old news, but remember that squashed rumor about Lady Gaga having a penis? You could make a reference to that, either directly or indirectly.

But further explaining my last idea, flesh out ALL of the characters that you already have. What are their personalities? Quirks? Pet peeves? Are they witty? Sarcastic? Dry? Naive? Pretensious? Bubble-headed? These are all attributes that are fun to give to a character.

jellybean

on 11/27/2012

Thank you, Livibrynn. I can see where I should have explained better. The above is an idea for just one scene. The main character is supermodel Paula Lynn Maru aka Lenard Paul Maru. His (her) marriage partner is Kennith Spergman, a renowned and wealthy architect. Paula has a modeling agent, Bernie Brisk, who clashes with her personality and betrays her / Lenard. There is an ambitious reporter, Deborah Jeweller, who gets her story thanks to Brisk, but destroys Paula Maru's life in reporting it. There are the brilliant fertility specialists, twin brothers, Demetrick and Derick Haughtermeg, who run the Haughtermeg Clinic, and impregnate Lenard (with sextuplets) after his attempts to find a suitable surrogate fail. There is the "Texas Wonder", attorney at law, Fester N. Myloin, who will defend the indicted doctors.

The above scene is one I am considering, as a means to move Paula to action, so to speak, (the proper term escapes me at the moment), to pursue her / his longing to have a baby with his partner (the cause of his dreams, and the reason he may go to see his partner's uncle, a psychologist.) I have pondered the idea of "girl talk" between the uncle's wife and Paula. I'm also wanting to somehow make the revealation of the cause of his dreams a humorous scene between Paula, "her" interpreting partner, Kennith (sign language), and the psychologist uncle. I've taken a break to let my mind rest before going back to this scene, because nothing really great has come forth yet.

This is my first, ever, attempt to write a screenplay, but I have a rough first scene down in the outline of my page - it's of the dream, or nightmare that Lenard / Paula keeps having. If you get time, I'd love your feedback on it. Just keep in mind that I have little idea of how a screenplay is actually formatted, I'm trying to learn. I merely had this idea for what I believe could make a good comedy. Again, thanks, and I welcome any help

Livibrynn

on 11/28/2012

As a fellow writer, I wouldn't advise you to do the artificial insemination bit. Ergo, don't get Paula pregnant. Why? Because it's virtually impossible to give birth without a uterus. Sorry, Paula, it can't be done. If Paula is going to remain a man, s/he can't get pregnant, period. She needs female reproductive organs to have a baby. If you gave her some, then she wouldn't really be biologically male, and thus your main conflict is dissolved. I think you should cut that out and focus on Kennith's family issues and Paula's career issues, along with the wackiness of hiding Paula's true gender.
For your sign language interpreted "girl talk" scene, how about this: what if Paula and Kennith just had a huge fight, and Kennith is "interpreting" the wrong things on purpose just to annoy Paula, much to the confusion of the Uncle's wife. (Paula signs, "I'm fine, thank you." and Kennith translates, "She says she has terrible diarrhea from the diet pills her modeling agent gave her.") I think the Uncle should be passive in this scene, as the main laughs will be generated by Kennith's inventions.

jellybean

on 11/28/2012

This is my fourth attempt to reply Livibrynn. I agree that I need to revisit the idea of genetically engineered babies, but not for the same reason. Because the movie, Junior, was a comedy about a man having a baby, and was pretty darn funny. However, when I first hatched this story idea, during some posting back & forth with actor / screenwriter Steven Barnes, who at the time replied "It would make an hilarious comedy.", my timing was near perfect. One of the famous sets of sextuplets had recently been born, the cloned sheep, Dolly, was in the news, and genetic engineering was a hot, political topic. I remember seeing footage of that poor mother, her belly enormous, and greased and plastic wrapped, while she waited out the final days of her pregnancy in bed. I had thought then, there probably isn't a man alive who would go through that to give a woman a baby - but wouldn't it be funny if HE was impregnated with six embryos! But Dolly died, cloning was outlawed, and the birth of fertility-aided sextuplets has become all too common in the news. Androgynous modeling is very current (check out images of Andrej Pejic on the net), but I'm going to have to re-think an angle for my character's journey, which has been to risk all to get that baby he wanted to have with his gay partner. And surrogating for gay couples (The New Normal) is current, but has no conflict in my story. Thank you for your honesty. Back to the brainstorming board for me.

Livibrynn

on 11/28/2012

Don't write based on what is current or what other people are having success with. Write about what you know. That's the best kind of comedy, because comedy is based on truth. You wouldn't want the Disney company making a comedy about a neurotic New York City Jewish man and his failed relationships, just as you don't want Woody Allen making documentaries about polar bears. Write something that is based on your own personal experience, something people relate to. Mix-ups and mayhem in gender orientation and identity are hilarious. But you're piling too much on top of it. Simplify it. I say cut out the sextuplets. It's an interesting concept, but audiences won't buy it. For a famous supermodel to be unable to find a surrogate is just too implausible. Growing six babies in a male body sounds like more of a melodramatic horror comedy. If I were you, I'd split this whole thing in half. Make one film about a secret transexual model and his precarious career and meddling in-laws. Use the sextuplet concept for a science fiction horror comedy. Perhaps you could set it in a post-apocalyptic universe where all the females have mysteriously died out and it's up to one man to test out Male Impregnation to save his species. If it's well written enough, you could make it work. Best of luck to you.

Sukotto

on 11/30/2012

Hey, no need to get personal. If you don't like the idea, don't use it. Don't go after the messenger. I was trying to weave irony in with a recurring theme. The Director/Writer Blake Edwards was a master at this and used it all the time. If you don't happen to think a penis getting bit off by a pit-bull is funny don't use. How about this. the tranny has a day job as a construction worker and loses his penis in a horrific bulldozer accident? Funny huh?

jellybean

on 11/30/2012

Sukotto, what I happen to think is not funny, is an individual who attempts to get his jollies at the emotional expense of others. I've read, also, what you have written towards other members on this forum. Whatever talent of writer / director Blake Edwards notwithstanding, you are hardly any "messenger". You are the SOURCE of small-minded cruelty towards writers of this communtity, with no regard for where they might happen to be, educationally, in their personal process of learning to write. With no regard for their possible youth and inexperience. You don't seem to grasp that your cruelty towards them could potentially snuff their hopes and dreams to someday write professionally. And I take that damn personally! Good for you, if along the line, someone wasted their time in teaching you the principals of creative writing - that you have some ability to use it so destructively - but others have turned to this site for that very reason - to learn - and you have no cause to bully them. I have already taken the first step in reporting your conduct to the owners of this site.

Sukotto

on 11/30/2012

I must have missed something. Where have I been cruel to anyone? You asked for comedy gags or bits. I've been writing comedy for years, I contributed. I don't know the whole context of your story. You didn't specify. I don't know your background, I don't care. I thought this was a creative community of writers not a therapy encounter group. I'm here to give creative ideas not soothe your damaged sensibilities, that's what Moms and Priest are for. Writing is pain my friend. You are going to have to develop much thicker skin that that if you intend to make it. I hope when the owners of this site read this exchange they take all sides into consideration.

jellybean

on 11/30/2012

Yes, you've missed something - entirely - and quite obviously. I didn't ask for "comedy gags or bits", I was specific to anyone capable of comprehending. I don't recall asking how long you have written "comedy". I know I don't care. Number of years writing does not necessarily equate quality writing, nor authority on the subject. "Creative ideas" might imply the 'helpfull' ideas that your targeted members actually requested, but not in your case, and you are fully aware of that, and it does you no good to pretend otherwise to me. Just because I write fiction doesn't mean I buy into it in place of fact. It's only your presumption that my "sensibilities" have been "damaged", and that I am "going to have to develop much thicker skin", and in my world neither of your presumptions hold any weight. You're right, that you don't know my background, which greatly amuses me on a personal level. Neither do you know the background of some others, whose work you have singled out for your private laugh - which might or might not be at THEIR emotional expense - and is reason enough for you to tread lighter when seeking their interest and attention. I'm sure the bullies who tormented the gay teen who went home and commited suicide didn't know that he might do that. I'm equally sure they didn't care. It was funny to THEM. But if writing is no form of therapy, if there is no concrete connection between every writer and the stories and characters he or she creates, then no writer would understand, with or without recognition of their ability, those drives and motivations that set any character on that journey called story. Writing isn't pain, only a process of capturing imagination and understandings through experiences, in a way that can allow others to also invision it. Learning that process can be a pain, especially if someone comes along purposely trying to deflate those early efforts to grasp it. These things having been clarified, your done. You get no more response from me, unless or until I see you treat other aspiring writers with the same considerations you would want in their place. Because an over abundance of fertilizer doesn't promote growth in a seeding, it burns it out at it's roots. Ergo, your notion of thickening skins on this forum is ill concieved, since that particular form of commercial fertilizer is meant to condition somewhat established writers to produce marketable work, and is not intended for beginners.

Sukotto

Edited on 12/01/2012. Posted on 12/01/2012.

So do you want my help or not? I can't tell by what you wrote above.

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