Ian gets up in the morning, showers, delicately puts on his hat. He heads downstairs to eat. A hot pocket is brutally strewn across the kitchen. As he enters his living room, Ian's mother yells at him to get a job, as her welfare checks aren't enough to keep up a living in their current conditions (his mother engorges herself with food and watches television). Ian goes on his quest to get a job, and meets many strange coworkers along the way.
Project Type: Skit (5 min)
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As Ian gets up and starts to walk toward the isles we see Seamus watch through the window with his face pressed against the glass. Seamus then enters stealthily and slides along the wall offscreen. Ian sees the glistening tiles of the Lol-mart. The camera zooms in on his face, eyes wide and mouth o-shaped. Suddenly Ian's face onscreen is sideways and the camera zooms out to Ian lying on his side on the tile floor. He begins to roll furiously up and down the aisles. The camera cuts to a long shot of the ends of the aisles and we see Seamus get in the cashier's line with a shopping cart filled to the brim with individual Capri-Sun pouches. Also in line is a very fat woman and a man in a shark costume who has a cart full of buckets of chum. We see Ian rolling out of one aisle and into the next a few times during this scene.
Look at this. Absolute crap.
On a good note, corn dog sales are through the roof!
The scene switches to Ian in the shower, pouring shampoo on his head and washing his hair. He exits the shower, brushes his hair, buckles his belt, and puts on his hat. He heads up the stairs to the kitchen. There, he takes a hot pocket out of the freezer and microwaves it. When he pulls it out it burns his hand and he drops it. The hot pocket bursts a little bit and gets cheese on Ian's left shoe (this is to cause a cheese stain that is present for the entire series). Ian picks up the hot pocket and scoops the innards onto a plate. He then tosses the empty shell into the air. Out of nowhere an extremely large cat jumps onscreen and catches the hot pocket mid-air, landing on his back. The cat (named Graham) sucks in the hot pocket ever so slowly with his limbs spread eagle on the floor while laying on his back. Ian eats the hot pocket innards.