After overdosing on heroin, Merkel's friends and family have gathered to pay their last respects.
Project Type: Not Yet Specified.
This project's owner invites everyone to work on this project! Collaboration-ville or bust!
All hail Merkel!
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Hi, I'm Tammie. I'm sure some of y'all know me as Merkel's girlfiend. Or you'll know me from Playboy and Maxim. And if you don't know me from that, well you'll know me from this! So yeah, anyway, Merkie and I dated for the last couple of years. The relationship was good, he never hit me or anything. He'd just get mad whenever I would go hang out with the Denver Broncos, or the Sacramento Kings, or the San Diego Padres, or the Odd Future kids, but he'd always forgive me if I cleaned up afterwards. So that was nice. Merkel was really a sweet guy if he ever opened up to you. He always would tell me about how insecure he was, and how he never thought he'd be good enough for anybody, and how weak he was, and how I should never leave him because he didn't think he could ever find anybody else. You know, real sweet man stuff. One time I caught him wearing one of my bras and putting on my lipstick and that was really cute. I'm going to miss my little Merkie. He would always give me some money and let me drive his Porsche whenever the Harlem Globetrotter guys called me. So yeah, Merkel wasn't so bad a guy as long as you held him when he cried himself to sleep. Well that's all I wrote down. RIP Merkie!