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Quick pitch

This is a coming of age story of a High School Valevictorian/Community Leader and aspiring NFL football Quarterback. His dreams are all for naught as he is accused of a double murder after his last High School Football Game. After he completes his sentence he dedicates himself to being the father he never experienced to his daughter. He finds new friends and deadly foes from his own family as he tries to clear his name and achieve the dream of gridiron glory.

Project Type: Not Yet Specified.

This project's owner invites everyone to work on this project! Collaboration-ville or bust!

Recent changes

okpasha added dialogue in "10 YEARS SERVED" on 05/17/2009. okpasha made 14 other changes. more
What. Yeah girl let me finish. She is a close friend to this Hmong Family and they own the School you know I'm in beatician school. I'll be done next month in fact and I want you to go to my graduation okay.
okpasha added an action in "10 YEARS SERVED" on 04/03/2009. okpasha made 10 other changes. more
The all agree they aren't gay.
okpasha deleted a slugline in "THE DOUBLE HOMICIDE" on 03/06/2009. okpasha made 3 other changes. more
drumbum666 added a comment to the news entry "SacTown Boyz is alive" on 03/01/2009. more
Ok man Im here to help. First of all let's strip out everything and let's cover 3 things.

1. Trevor. He's the protagonist. Were rooting for this dude. I like at the begging that he's a solid, all american boy. That makes the audience feel for him. Still weve seen the Million dollar quarterback a million times. Friday night lights shows this on a weekly basis. You got give him something interesting. You also gotta decide how much of football is him? does he do other things. We find out about a daughter. So where's the girl in all these flashbacks. We need at least some of this in the flashbacks so this makes sense later when he gets out. This character is your story. When he gets out, does he want his old life back? Is he looking for revenge? I have no idea who this guy is.

2. Sacramento. This is the big element you want in your movie. You want elements of this city you love. I love it too. So what do you want to show? Trevor needs a job after jail. How about a scene of former convict, whos built like a football player goes to K street or Arden Fair mall and applies for jobs? What about the trendy nightclubs? Does he want to go back to school and take classes? ARC lets students film there all the time. How about showing him bouncing at a club as a job and then running into some of the "old crowd". The city is gonna be the antagonist of this story to some degree. Where does Trevor live? Eat? Work? Is the city kind or brutal to him? I think this the actual heart of your story. Your story shouldn't be so much about Great kid falls into the wrong crowd, or trying to win back a daughter and a girl. This should be about the very real struggle of violent offenders and peoeple in the prison system who have to rehabilitate back into the real world.

3. Beginning, Middle, and End. Just write these 3 things. You've got a pretty solid beginning. The problem is gonna be that all the tragedy happens up front. What's left for the middle. The best advice I ever got on this was the following "The begging is where you introduce your characters. The middle is where they get in the worst situation possible. Then the end they get out of it. Once you have these scenes. You can write a scene between the beggining and the middle. Then one for the middle to the end. That's your basic story layout. You have a rough Idea of where this is going. Just think. You could do that in an hour.

Ok man. I'll be here to help. You can contact me on here or at [email protected] I gotta go work on my stuff now. I'll be back to help more later. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!
LoweDogg joined the project! on 03/01/2009. more

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