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Quick pitch

A kidnapper enters a home, causing panic to the three friends staying there. They stay hidden, and are eventually brought to safety. But there may be more to the motive than they want to think about.

I'm looking for lots of feedback on certain parts of the script and the title, but not the whole script altogether.

Project Type: Short Film (15 min)

This project's owner would only like your comments.

Recent changes

Gavino edited dialogue in "Midnight" 3 months ago. Gavino made 2 other changes. more
zack
Tell me what the hell was that. F*ck. F*ck.
Gavino inserted dialogue in "Midnight" 3 months ago. Gavino made 14 other changes. more
mom
Thank you. See? This will all be over soon. We'll go live with Uncle David. Does that sound alright?
Gavino edited an action in "Midnight" 3 months ago. Gavino made 13 other changes. more
A crashing sound echoes the windows. They all rush through the door and pause on the sidewalk. The third car is on its side, twisted and flaming. People are crowding around. Allison opens her mouth to speak, but then sees someone running the opposite direction, with a dark suit. She squints her eyes and anger fills her face.
Gavino edited an action in "Midnight" 3 months ago. Gavino made 20 other changes. more
The three silently buckle while staring back at the house. The car pulls out, and the other two follow. As they are rounding a corner, they hear a crash. The car stops, and everyone looks back. The third car is two meters in the air, spinning, and crashes upside down on the curb. The kids get out of the car quickly and see a figure heading the other way. With a white mask.
Gavino edited an action in "Midnight" 3 months ago. more
Suddenly, the house implodes in the sides, spewing flames out the collapsed roof and windows. After a second, the flames disappear almost instantly.
 

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